Sitting on Chair

Sitting on a Chair

To the tune of Living on a Prayer by Bon Jovi





Benry's on a mission with Locke
To trek through the mud and see Benry's boss
Who's tough, so tough


Jacob seems to pull all the strings
And Locke wants to know all manner of things
About the Island

And Benry says that Jacob is one tough nut
He'll smite you like a sinner if you don't make the cut
They reach the cabin and Ben shows Locke what's there
But Locke only stares

Woah - is Jacob there?
Woah - sitting on a chair
Locke is pissed 'cause he's looking at air
Woah - sitting on a chair

Locke has spent a night and a day
To track Sawyer down, his dad had to pay
For cons, for cons
Sawyer made his dad go away
So Johnny could meet
The man that Ben obeys
Woah yeah

But while he's busy talking to an invisible man
Locke has had enough and turns his back on the plan
And then he hears somebody asking out for help
And he's had enough

Woah - is Jacob there
Woah - sitting on a chair
Locke is mad 'cause he doesn't have hair
Woah - sitting on a chair
Sitting on a chair

We might have caught on to Benry's plot
Should Locke trust the voice or is Benry on pot

Woah - is Jacob there
Woah - sitting on a chair
Locke is mad and he doesn't have hair
Woah - sitting on a chair

Woah - is Jacob there
Woah - sitting on a chair
Benry's nuts 'cause he's talking to air
Woah - sitting on a chair

Woah - is Jacob there
Woah - sitting on a chair
Locke is mad and he doesn't have hair
Woah - sitting on a chair
Sitting on a chair

Under Water Station

Under water Station

to the tune of Good Vibrations by The Beach Boys

Lyrics:

Ah - I guess that Charlie is gonna go
But before he does, he might do something brave
Yeah there may finally be a way
To attempt to call an offshore freighter save

Inside a new offshore station
They're jamming communication
(oooh under)
We're getting an explanation
(water station under)
Why there has been no salvation
(water station under)
(It's a new)
Inside a new offshore station
(water station under)
(dharma station)
They're jamming communication
(water station under)
(It's a new)
We're getting an explanation
(water station)
(dharma station)
Why there has been no salvation

There's a plan to somehow radio
a boat that's not far off the island coast
When we get the tower
We'll remove the looping message from Russeau

Inside a new offshore station
They're jamming communication
(oooh under)
We're getting an explanation
(water station under)
Why there has been no salvation
(water station under)
(It's a new)
Inside a new offshore station
(water station under)
(dharma station)
They're jamming communication
(water station under)
(It's a new)
We're getting an explanation
(water station)
(dharma station)
Why there has been no salvation

Station....

Aaaaaah

Charlie's inside the station
(With Desmond there he's beyond all care)
Penny's in desperation
(Dies via asphixiation)
Desmond can't bring help

Can't believe the code to disable the jamming signal is...
Can't believe the code to disable the jamming signal is...
Can't believe the code to disable the jamming signal is...

Aaaaaaaaaah!

Good Good Good good vibrations!
(oooh under water station under water station)

Jack is beating up Benjamin
(Locke is gonna kill the girl)
Cos he thought that Tom shot his friends
(To protect the island from)
Hurley drives a mean Dharma van
(Other people who will take)
Sawyer kickin back Dharma beer

Charlie Man

Charlie Man

to the tune of Piano Man by Billy Joel

It's four O'clock on some Other day
A bunch of us go for a swim
There's a scotsman drinking next to me
It's McKutchins with nothing else in

And he ass me "can you write a song or two,
In fact won't you write nine or ten?
Cos I'm sure I'll be needing a holiday
From saving your ass once again"


Oh something "you all everybody...
Lada chim-cheroo lada"

I'll sing you a song cos I'm Charlie man,
So listen you drunk scottish sod
Cos before our lane crashed on this island
You know I was a bloody rock god!

Now John was a wheelchair bound salesman
Who blew up a hatch and survived
He's obsessed with a dad who's a conman
Who continually ruined his life


And so Ben brought him onto the island
and demanded John cut off his head
But he didn't have the stomach to do it
He got Sawyer to kill him instead

Oh something "you all everybody...
Lada chim-cheroo lada"

Now Jack had performed spial surgery
On a man that he barely just met
Then they left Jack for dead and they went on ahead
so he came back with miss Juliette

All those Others can't have any babies
So they're taking our kids for their own
So we'd better start living together
Cos it's better than dying alone


I'll sing you a song cos I'm Charlie man,
About all this stuff from before
I may not be good in a rumble
But I'll make a good trubadour


It's a pretty good day for a skirmish
And the Others have plans to invade
And it's just been revealed what they're coming to steal
So we're ready to thwart their crusade

So I'll play my guitar to distract them
And while they're all looking this way
Take the chance that you find to sneak up from behind
And get busy at saving the day

Something something "I onece played a hobbit"
bloody rock god ladida dada

I'll sing you a song cos I'm Charlie man,
So listen you drunk scottish sod
Cos before our lane crashed on this island
You know I was a bloody rock god!

Don't Have Island Love

Don't have Island Love

To the tune of You can't hurry Love by Phil Collins





You have island love, and you're gonna spew
When you find out how it will kill you
The Others say

Don't have island love
Baby don't even date
Find alternative measures
to satisfy the urge to mate

He got you knocked up
And your period's late
Now that bun in the oven
Has guaranteed to seal your fate

But how can Juliette hope to save
Another pregnant mom from an early grave?
An ultrasound revealed that Jin ain't shooting blanks
And even tho Sun knows she's dead she's giving Julie thanks
but remember Others Said

Don't have island love
No you just have to wait
Go and take a cold shower
to satisfy the urge to mate

One time in a cage
Sawyer got jiggy with Kate
Now she'd doin' the dishes
And watching Shepherd on a date

Now Dr Jack has found his Juliette
and Kate is after all the loving that she can get
So later on that night beneath the mango trees
Sawyer's gonna teach her all about the birds and bees
But remember Others said

Don't have island love
Baby don't even date
Find alternative measures
to satisfy the urge to mate

He got you knocked up
And your period's late
Now that bun in the oven
Has guaranteed to seal your fate
So just wait!


Having Island love you come to easy
She may be worth dating - not impregnating
cos your sperm count has increased your chance
That's a leathal weapon inside your pants
Don't keep dating - or go all the way
Try to fill her - you're gonna killer her
The Others said

Don't have island love
Baby don't even date
Find alternative measures
to satisfy the urge to mate

He got you knocked up
And your period's late
Now that bun in the oven
Has guaranteed to seal your fate


Don't have island love
Baby don't even date
Find alternative measures
to satisfy the urge to mate

He got you knocked up
And your period's late
Now that bun in the oven
Has guaranteed to seal your fate

Oh Desmond, My Brotha

Oh Desmond, My Brotha

to the tune of Ob-la-di Ob-la-da by The Beatles

Lyrics:

Desmond sees the future with an eerie grace,
Charlie is a singer in a band
Desmond says to Charlie "Pick another place to stand
Cos lightning's gonna hit you where you stand"

Oh Charlie, my brotha, life goes on brah!
I will help your life go on
Yeah Charlie, my brotha, life goes on, brah!
I will help your life go on.

Desmond took a look inside a jewelry store
Sees a very pretty diamond ring
Lady says to Desmond "I've seen you before"
And she says "Desmond understand this simple thing


Oh Desy, my brotha, life goes on brah!
You must help our lives go on
Yeah Desy, my brotha, life goes on, brah!
You will help our lives go on.

In a couple of years you'll get stuck inside a hatch
With a button to push, you will save the world
And there is just one more catch

Try and change the future if you even dare"
Lady sternly warns him to refrain
Fate will take the course that it was meant to bear
And all your efforts will be efforts tried in vane

Oh Desy, my brotha, life goes on brah!
You must help our lives go on
Yeah Desy, my brotha, life goes on, brah!
You will help our lives go on.

For a couple of years he's been missing the girl back home
He's been pushing a button every now and then
wishing he was free to roam

Happy ever after? There is no such thing
Least not for the likes of you and he
You must forge your way through every happening
Altho he's lived through much of his own destiny

Oh Charlie, my brotha, life goes on brah!
Desmond helped our lives go on
Button pushed, saved the girl life goes on, brah!
Desmond help our lives go on,

And yeah he had some fun
Or Charlie my brotha

Ramblin Jackson

Ramblin' Jackson

To the tune of You can be my Yoko Ono by Barenaked Ladies

Lyrics:

And if you ask him to pick yes or no - he'll ramble
His train of thought's not only running late - it's derailed

You can be my Ramblin' Jackson
You can ramble til the cows have come home
Be my (be my) be my (be my) Ramblin' Jackson woa-oah

Isn't it beautiful to hear two people podcasting Lost?
Bald as a cueball, he's got beady eyes, his voice can melt through frost
Jack's alwasy got a crackpot theory that nobody else can match
And all his tallies come from guessing there's an underwater hatch

You can be my Ramblin' Jackson
You can ramble til the cows have come home
Be my (be my) be my (be my) Ramblin' Jackson woah

Oh no - here he goes, I'm sure this time he blew
Oh no - here he goes - "It's my theory, and I'm stickin to it"

I know that when I say this, I may be ticking off Jeremiah
But Jack's pile of gold flakey stars and tally points just keep getting higher
(don't blame it on Jack son) You see if I were Jay and you were Jack,
I would listen to every crackpot theory
Even if exalting your predictions gets a little weary

You can be my Ramblin' Jackson
You can ramble til the cows have come home
Be my (be my) be my (be my) Ramblin' Jackson woah
Be my (be my) be my (be my) Ramblin' Jackson woah
Be my (be my) be my (be my) Ramblin' Jackson woooooo-oooah

BareNaked Interview with Big-O

Interview with Big-O, host of (among others) the Cranky Fanatic podcast.

This was loads of fun. Big-O has many MANY interests, one of which is podcasting. He allowed me to ramble on about stuff on his show for about an hour and eight minutes. A fun little interview.

Oops, Locke Did It Again

Oops, Locke did it again

To the tune of Oops I Did It Again by Brittney Spears.

Lyrics:

He likes to blow things up
He likes to blow things up


I think he did it again, he found a new screen, inside the Flame
Oh baby, let's just hope that he knows how to play chess and win at the game
Cos to beat Dr Marvin Candle will unlock a new mystery
But don't you know that

Oops, Locke did it again
He blew it apart
By playin a game
He beat the doctor
How was he gonna know
That he caused it to blow
It was an accident

You see his problem is this: he wants to explain
How he got out of his wheelchair again
He fell 8 storeys down, and he heard the snap, and he felt the pain
Then he lost all his senses from his navel to his big toe
But don't you know that

Oops, Locke did it again
He blew it apart
By playin a game
He beat the doctor
How was he gonna know
That he caused it to blow
It was an accident

Benry: John!
Locke: Ssssssh - keep your voice down
Benry: You don't have to point the gun at me, I can tell you where Jack is
Locke: I'm not looking for Jack. I'm looking for the submarine

Ooh Locke did it again to the sub
Got lost in a game oh baby
If he ever gets off of the island
He'll never walk again

Ooh Locke did it again to the sub
Got lost in a game oh baby
If he ever gets off of the island
He'll never walk again

Ooh Locke did it again to the sub
Got lost in a game oh baby
If he ever gets off of the island
He'll never walk again

The Longest Time

(We can't see Lost) For the Longest Time (The Lost Hiatus song)

To the tune of The Longest Time by Billy Joel.

Lyrics:

We can't see Lost for the longest time
Won't see Lost for the longest

They stopped showing Lost the other night
There are still more stories left to write
About Locke's wheelchair, and how the Others got there
We won't get to find out for the longest time

Once I bought the whole series one
I'll now have myself a marathon
So you can find me Intravenously drinking coffee
Watching every episode now back to back

We can't see Lost for the longest time
Won't see Lost for the longest

Hurley sees imaginary friends
Charlie's off the drugs and has the bends
Desmond's a mystic
And Locke is shamanistic
I can't find out why now for the longest time

Maybe we'll hold out after all
We can stay psyched, we can be strong
We'll make do with forums and the like
And we will be alright - oh now who am I kidding?

Waiting for so long has made me cry
I will book my ticket to Hawaii
I'll beg those show-offs: Carlton Cuse and Lindelof
to tell me all the answers or I'll make them die

There's another hatch to explore
What's with the smoke? And what's he boat for?
We need more connections in the past
This hiatus cannot last, but it's gone on forever

I don't care what riducule it brings
I've got my own theories 'bout these things
I'll write my own show, and when I get you hooked
the I won't let you watch it for the longest time

ooooooooh - for the longest time
ooooooooh - for the longest time
ooooooooh - for the longest time
ooooooooh - for the longest time

Oh Benry

Oh Benry

To the tune of Oh Mandy by Barry Manilow.





Lyrics:

Found you trapped inside a net
and we started takin' bets
Were you one of us, or where you an Other?
Trying to escape you got yourself shot
so we took you to a secret hatch
Dr Jack began to patch
We kept you in a cell cos we couldn't trust you
Didn't know your name, but soon we would bust you

Oh Benry, the answers were there for the taking
But you said nothing for days Oh Benry
Sayid said that you were just faking
So we locked you away, oh Benry...

Trekking in the afternoon,
Came across an old balloon
We found it where you said, were we mistaken,
Thinking that you lied, our conscience was aching and
Then we found the cross you made
Where you said your girl was laid
Digging up the grave where you said you buried
Your wife's deceased remains
But what did we find there?

Oh Benry,
The corpse that we found there was stinking
But we knew right away, oh Benry
If this was your wife we were thinking
That you're totally gay oh Benry

How were we to know all of your lyin'
Was just to get our doc to stop you from dyin'

Oh Benry, Your dastardly plans were unfolding in mysterious ways
Oh Benry, you gave Walt and Michael a scolding, and then sent them away
Oh Benry, you locked Kate and Sawyer in Cages, and then watched them at play
Oh Benry, the Others were making their wagers on who'd kill you

Kill You

Other People

Other People

To the tune of Common People by Pulp.

Lyrics:

Her plane had crashed and she was realy preggers
I caught her hiking with some dirty begger
that's when I caught her eye
Her man had left her with no other option
Than to give the kid up for adoption in LA
And when I took her far away
she said "I wanna live like you Other people
I wanna do whatever Other people do
Can I stay with you Other people
Can I stay with Other people like you?"

Well what else could I do?
I said "I'll see what I can do"

I took her to hidden bunker
I dunno why, but I had to start it somewhere
so it started there
I said "I have to give you vaccination"
She said "I hope you've got an explanation"
I said "Yeah... you and the baby might drop dead if I don't"

Are you sure you wanna live like Other people?
You wanna see whatever Other people see?
You wanna stay with us other people?
You wanna stay here with Other people like me?

But she didn't understand
She just smiled and held my hand

Try to make a master race
Glue some hair upon your face
Type some numbers in the hatch
Smokey's got another catch
Still the answer's out of reach
Planes keep crashing on the beach
Sometimes food is bound to fall
If you call Hanso we could stop it all yeah

You cannot live like Other people
You cannot do whatever Other people do
Leave no trail like Other people
You'll never let us get that kid out of you
You just go back to your crew
Because there's nothing else to do

Make a list and then infiltrate them
Pick the ones that will get what it's all about
Just weed the good ones out
Cos Mr Friendly hates a tourist
especially one who opens Hatches for a lark
and finds a map on the blast door that glows in the dark

You will never understand
How it feels to live your life
Under constant thought control
Steering clear of Smoke's patrol
We are amazed that He exists
As to what His plans are He has left us wondering why

Try to make a master race
Glue some hair upon your face
Type some numbers in the hatch
Smokey's got another catch
Still the answer's out of reach
Planes keep crashing on the beach
Sometimes food is bound to fall
If you call Hanso we could stop it all yeah

You cannot live like Other people
You cannot do whatever Other people do
Leave no trail like Other people
You'll never let us get that kid out of you
You just go back to your crew
Because there's nothing else to do

I wanna live like Other people like you
I wanna live like Other people like you
I wanna live like Other people like you
I wanna live like Other people like you

If I Had a Million Dollars - I'd be Lost

If I had a Million Dollars - I'd be Lost

To the tune of If I Had a Million Dollars by Barenaked Ladies.

Lyrics:

If I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
I would buy you an island (I would buy you an island)
And if I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
I'd build you underground bunkers on your island (and setup a smoky security system)
And if I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
I'd setup freaky science experiments (in juxtapositional eugenics and perhaps meteorology)
And if I had a million dollars, I'd crash a plane

If I had a million dollars - I'd make a list and send in spies
If I had a million dollars - I'd make the survivors think the trees had eyes
If I had a million dollars - we could kidnap all the little, tiny children who survived
And maybe continue with our wacky, society-building utopian experiments.
And they'd be all like, "Oooh, we can use our backwards talking powers to freak all the rest of the survivors out."
Yeah!

If I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
Well I'd plant an instructional film (but not a real instructional film, that's cruel)
And if I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
Well I'd cut out a piece of that film (yep, and hide it in another bunker)
And if I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
I'd dress up in a beanie and a fake beard (ooh, all that crazy theatrical glue)
And if I had a million dollars I'd crash a plane

If I had a million dollars - we wouldn't have to keep eating guava and boar
If I had a million dollars - we'd pig out in the Swan hatch 'cause it's got more
If I had a million dollars - we wouldn't have to eat DHARMA dinners
"But we would eat DHARMA dinners."
"Of course we would, we'd just eat more."
"And make really expensive ranch dressings."
"That's right, and they can keep up to three months at room temperature."

If I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
Well I'd carry a jesus stick (but not a real jesus stick, that's cruel)
And if I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
I think I'd paint a mural in the hatch (was it by Picasso or Garfunkel?)
And if I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
I'd hijack all of your guns (haven't you always wanted a gun stash?!)
And if I had a million dollars I'd crash a plane

If I had a million dollars; if I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars; if I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars... I'd be LOST!

BareNaked Intro

Kicking off the podcast again, and giving all my songs a home has been something I've meant to do for quite some time. I hope you all re-download these songs, if you're subscribed to the feed.

Special thanks to Jay and Jack of "The Lost Podcast with Jay and Jack" for first playing the songs, and for continuing playing the original songs whenever I write them on a whim.

I'll be adding the new songs here to this feed/blog from now on, so stick around and stay tuned. Like Jacob, you never know when another song is just gonna pop up and freak the crap out of some poor island Hurley.

If you're coming here while all the posts aren't up, you might want to check back over the next couple of days cos I'm in the middle of working out the kinks of redirecting my podcast feed.

CHEERS GUYS!